Worksheet 6C: Lead-writing Exercise: Promoting Conciseness

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If you’re going to get your leads under 30 words, you’re going to need to focus on writing concisely and deleting redundancy.  Compact the following by cutting repetitive, bulky or otherwise unnecessary words and phrases.

1.     Writing your thoughts in as few words as possible is far better than using too many words to express oneself.


2.     The mechanic took apart the engine so that all of its parts per no longer attached to the body of the car.


3.     When the creatures we all knew were elves attacked, they did so with multiple weapons, including swords, battleaxes and maces.


4.     The showed the presentation five times a day in 50-minute sessions, from 10 a.m. to 10:50 a.m., from a 11 a.m. to 11:50 a.m. from noon to 12:50 p.m., from 1 p.m. to 1:50 p.m., and from 2 p.m. to 2:50 p.m.


5.     Never before in the history of the world had a person of either gender rowed all the way from Tahiti to New York in a single-seater kayak.


6.     In the time that passed since the accident, it had become totally obvious to all observers and to anybody involved that Mr. Gumper was merely but a lifeless bag of bones.


7.     The spacecraft imploded violently after Jenny used the bright light of the laser beam to prick the exterior hull.


8.     Against the articulated request of his teacher, and knowing full well that what he was doing was at its core unethical and counter-productive,  he  nonetheless worked hard to stretch out his sentences, cramming them as much fluff — as many extra words, phrases and characters — as possible to try make the essay expand so it occupied his target: four pages.


9.     As he rounded third base, Gonzalez saw the ball speeding in at a high velocity to toward the catcher waiting at home, and he knew, without a shadow of doubt, with total certainty, that he was not going to be safe when he arrived at the plate.


10.  The city council for the city of Greenberg last night voted unanimously by a 7-0 tally to call a halt to the work being conducted on the Hallduff dam.



Answers will vary widely.